Torn...

Well..I have been here for about 10 days. I am enjoying my time with my family.. and somehow I am not.
My heart feels heavy. There are so many problems and I am scared because I do not know how to deal with them. I also feel like I have no where to run to get help. It is scary when you need to face things alone.
Scary when your whole world is rocked and you don't know what to deal.
Scary when you see things that you have never seen before.
God, I hope I can deal with it all.....

I miss living here. I don't remember a time when I actually wanted to move back here. I kinda want to now... I am torn because I feel like I cannot leave Egypt now. I have too much going on there to leave. I am actually happy there, who would give up happiness?
I wonder if this is me just fucking with my own head. My own way of making sure that I am not too happy. Or is it my reaction to the fact that I have become increasingly bitter with life in Egypt.
Life in Egypt has become really nice.. but at the same time society has deteriorated so much that it is unbearable at times...

I don't know.. I know that right now I am not the happiest person in the world. I miss my life, my friends, and my boyfriend. Being away from all 3 for so long is not easy...

I hate being torn like this...
I either miss my family or my friends. I am either happy and wanting to leave Egypt or not happy but intent on staying, I am always stuck between 2 opposites!
I hate being torn!!

I hate being forced to deal with these problems when I so desperately want to run away...
I seriously cannot do this anymore....
I cannot deal with the issues, with the drama, or with anything else!