Ode to Homie S...

Sometimes you meet people and instantly you become friends. You meet a person that you have so much in common with that there is no option other than friendship.
I consider myself to have led a fairly unusual life. Been through unusual circumstances. I always have a story to tell about some random fact about my life. I always have something to entertain you with.. because my life has been anything but normal. I have never met anyone who has led a similar life... until recently.
I have met a person who has seen so much of what I have seen in this lifetime. A person who can understand me a bit more than others because she has lived almost the same life.
We have become very close very fast.
We are now sharing a sense of humor and a sick mind....
We are almost like an old married couple....
We can worry about each other in a not lesbian way....
We are completely comfortable with ditching each other.. and telling the other that they have been ditched!
She can get ghetto and rhyme about being in a taxi... genius!
She enjoys dancing in my car in traffic as much as I do!
We both have the same sarcastic sense of humor...
She consistently refers to me as "Beautiful Princess Nora, Ruler of the Kindom of Grade 3"

If I have gained nothing else this year.. I have gained a friend.

A day so bad it should be removed from the calendar!

Yesterday....
You know when you have one of those days. One of those days that are so bad you wish they could just be removed from the calendar. I had some of the most various and random things happen yesterday.
It started out with me being half awake in bed and half asleep. My mind was awake, but I was so exhausted.. I felt like I could not move. I sat in bed and watched the time fly. It took so much of me to actually get out of bed. I did so.. after I was already late. So, I ran and I rushed to get myself out of the door. I picked up my friends and we were off to work.
We got to work and all seemed normal. Pointless meeting to start the day. Interactions with some psycho parents and students. I guess the mood at work was just a very negative one for all people.
The minutes creeped by slowly.. It was a day that refused to end.
The students were fighting, one felt me up again, they were cursing... I was bitter.
Finally, 3:10 rolled around and they were gone.
Shahira and I pack up our shit and we're off... we were planning on going home and just sleeping. Midway home we change our mind and decide we need nourishment and cheesecake. So.. we are off to L'aroma...
We sit there and we eat, changed our mind about the cheesecake.
We pay the bill and decide to leave and I notice my cigarettes are not there. I look all over for them.
I ask the waiter and he gives them back. I am not sure if he stole them or what. I am hoping that he was cleaning the table and thought that they were empty.. but whatever.. was still bitter.
Anyway.. we are off on a mad-teacher hunt for things to entertain our kids that will deter them from fighting during their free time.
We are shopping and getting everything and suddenly I get excruciating pain in my back. I could not move. Felt paralyzed in the middle of the store. It was awful. So, Shahira entertains me during my paralysis.. She felt helpless not being able to do much.. but quickly started laughing when we realized that I am crying in pain, laughing because I am crying in the middle of the stationary store, and very uncomfortable because I am about to pee my pants!
So, the pain subsides and we go to pay for our crap. As we walk back to the car I start feeling dizzy and my blood pressure seemed hideously low. What else could go wrong.... ?
I realized that they day was crap and was only going downhill. I drop Shahira off and I head home. As I am driving I was in pain and felt dizzy again. I could not get out of my car. I park in front of the pharmacy and I call my pharmacist. Somehow, her and I have forged a very strong friendship. I tell her that I am dizzy and want something to raise my blood pressure and I want the strongest pain medicine they have. She comes out and checks my blood pressure. It was low, very low. She is not happy because last time it was low I promised I would take better care of myself... heheheheh oops!
So, she decides that I need to go to the emergency room to get to see a doctor about my blood pressure. She thinks that it is not good that my blood pressure can get so low so frequently. She wants me to see a doctor while my blood pressure is low, on a Thursday night at midnight there are no doctor offices open, so the emergency room is the next destination. We go there and they check my pressure... the doctor rambles on. Tells me I need blood tests done. See a guy about my back... he gives me a shot. Nice pain medicine. !
Well, after all that I head home.
I was awake for 19 hours.
I was out of my house for 18 hours.
It started off with me being late and ended with me in the emergency room.
It was one of those days I wish never happened!

Happiness...

I am happy!
I am smiling!
I am giggling like a 12 year old!!
I hope that you all are as happy as I am right now...

Feeling that you have an impact.. an amazing feeling!

One of my students was telling me about what he did the day before. How he went with his family to a mall to buy a few things. As they were a driving a truck hit them and his baby sister was hurt. The boy's father got out of the car and was fighting with the truck driver. They were screaming in the middle of the street. The boy told me that when they started getting very upset he got out of the car and told his father and the truck driver that "Ms. Nora said we should not fight. So, both of you apologize, think of 2 different ways that we can solve this and we'll call the police to help us."
His father listened and got in the car.
This made my day yesterday because I felt like the boy actually listens to me, and that somehow I might have impacted him. Maybe in a couple of years when he has a problem he might just not fight and try to think of the possible solutions.
Feeling that you have impacted a person is an amazing feeling…

How do you know if you really know someone?

I was told yesterday that the best thing about me is I am not afraid to make a person feel special. That I am not afraid to put myself and my feelings out there. I am not afraid of being hurt. That I am the kind of person that will not let an opportunity pass. That I will tell you how I feel because not telling you will hurt me so much more.
I was told this by one of the few people I feel really understands me. He is the type of guy that always knows what is going on with me, sometimes even before I can figure it out. Talking to him sometimes scares me, because sometimes I feel like I do not want a person to understand the feelings I keep inside. The reactions and thoughts that I do not completely agree with that I try to suppress in an attempt to control. But he understands them all… and he accepts them.
Sometimes I feel like he sees me in a light so much more attractive than the one I see myself in. That when I am harsh on myself and not accepting of my flaws he convinces me that I am a good person and I deserve a break from my harsh judgments.
He just makes me wonder how a person can understand me better than I understand myself. How can a person see so deep inside of me? See the parts of myself that I keep hidden from everyone, including myself… especially myself. Why can I not see as clearly as he can?
If I do not know myself is it possible to actually know anyone else? Do I know myself? Does he know me better? Or do I just believe him because it sounds so much better than my harsh judgment?

On Valentine's and Love…

Happy Valentine's Day to you all…
I hope you all spent a great day surrounded by all the people you love.

This Valentine's day was different for me. It was probably the first V day to pass where I am single. The first V day where I was not sucked into the commercialism of Valentine's Day. The first V day where I was not so stressed out because of the pressure of getting the perfect gift to say I love you.
I have noticed that none of the gifts I have received for Valentines Day have said "I love you". They mainly say that I have a lot of money and I found something red.. preferably with a heart on it.
This was the first Valentine's Day where I looked at the people holding the presents and I felt bad for them. Felt bad for the extent of the disillusionment. In a few years they will probably understand.
I was not upset this Valentine's day. I loved the day. I was so relaxed. So happy. The right people made me feel special. The flowers I received really did express feelings, made me feel like those people really did want to tell me how they felt. I did not feel like anything I received was just a way of saying that I have money I want to spend. I was really happy. I like where I am in my life and I like the people around me.

I think that there is no way of avoiding thinking about love on Valentine's Day. It is inevitable. I used to think that love was a feeling that consumes you whole. It is so much more than a feeling. It is an existence. I think that when I am in love, everything is different. I wonder how it is possible that I can be in love and after a while I am not. Is that possible? Was I really in love? Is love a feeling you have for a person and then it can be null? The problem is that sometimes I think I might still be in love with the love of my life. The first man I ever loved. the first man who made me feel like I want to spend forever with him…. I have never wondered if I was in love with him.
There are other people I know I loved. I know this because even when the shit hit the fan and the relationship ended I still had feelings. Even when I was with someone else.. I still felt the good feelings for that person. I know it was love because the feelings were still there when they probably should not have been.
What about the other feelings. The ones that I thought were love.. the ones that ended and were forgotten. the ones that I am neutral towards now. Or the ones that I feel hate towards. The people I regret having uttered those words, those words that mean so much to me, those words.. "I love you". What about them? Was I really in love? Was I just lonely, depressed, insecure, in need, jealous, weak… what was it?
I really cannot explain a lot about my feelings, feelings of love that I might have or might not have felt….

Sunrises make me happy...

My alarm goes off.. I open my eyes and I see nothing..
Why?
because today, like every other weekday, I am up before the sun is....
Every morning I get ready for work as the light slowly starts to trickle into my room....

I am not tthe type who likes to wake up early and take my time doing things. I like to sleep a couple of minutes later than I should and do everything in a rush. I am definately a last minute type of person.

Today I had a lot of work I had to do before I went to work so I had to wake up early. I was walking around my house enjoying my first cup of coffee. I was not running like I do every other day. I stepped into the living room and I was left breathless. The living room has very large windows that look out at nothing. The view is actually of nothing. Of one of the few places in Cairo that has not yet been raped and marred by construction. The view is actually not attractive at all. Today the view was different.
From these windows overlooking nothing, I saw one of the most beautiful sunrises I have ever seen. I saw the most beautiful shades of the prettiest colors.
They were pale and intense and they were all mixed in this perfect harmony that would be impossible even to the most talented artist.
I watched as Cairo went from a dark cold city to a bright city. I watched the shadows of the trees start to form. I watched and I was happy.
Sunrises make me happy.....

Temporary Insanity...

"And I will always love you. "
"I will always love you. "

Yes, I did it.. I must confess. I sang along to this song..

Early this morning. I was tired!
It was on the Nile FM Night Mix.. as I was getting ready for work.

Too fucking early!
I plead temporary insanity.....

I felt comfortable...

My day, today, was somehow the perfect end to my vacation. I was dreading the fact that tomorrow I actually have to wake up and be somewhere on time. Dreading the fact that it was time to get back into the real world... well as real of a world it can be when you are surrounded by 8 year old children.
I wanted to do everything fun and crazy that I could think of.
I wanted to end my vacation with a bang!

I wanted to sleep in more though.. all my plans and dreams of the "bang" were crushed...

As I was bitter and trying to salvage the day, I took a better look and realized that the day was happening how it wanted.. Everything I would plan would fall through...
and so many things that I didn't plan were happening...

I am grateful that my day took its own course.
Today was one of those kick ass days that makes you sit at home in front of your computer writing in your blog to yourself, to everyone, and to noone in particular with a really stupid smile on your face...

I am not sure what it was about today...

• I weighed myself in the morning and realized I have lost a total of 51 pounds since October.
• I had lunch with one of my closest friends.. I went for the salad instead of the hamburger.. I drank water instead of Pepsi...
• I spent time with my grandmother... I made my grandmother happy....
• I was stuck in traffic, but I was singing and dancing and enjoying the time alone....
• I met some more friends. I rarely see them anymore, but I always enjoy myself so much when I do. I need to spend more time with them.
• I could not find a place to park my car. I hit another car. The lady just smiled and told me it was not a big deal.
  (Kent, I really think it could be the transportation ruling body smiling at me because I always tell people if their door is open or if their tires are flat..
  I respect the transportation ruling body... ;o))
• I went to Purvi's house. We were all invited for Anjene's soul food dinner. The food was great. I was so happy seeing my friends there. Somehow it felt like I had not seen them in ages. I think I had seen them all in the past week.. but somehow I felt longer. There were so many people there. Some of them I had not met before.. but they were all very interesting people.
• I actually ate food that Kent has cooked. For so long all I would hear about him was the fact that he was cooking here, or he made the best Indian food, or he is a kick ass BBQ-er.. I guess we can now add soul food to the list.. The food kicked ass!
• I met a guy that lives in one of the cities that I grew up in. He also lived very close to where I used to live in New York. I thought that was pretty interesting.
• I finally "actually" met Megan and Kent. ;o)
• I was somehow fondled by a woman... twice... and I think she meant it. (At the dinner party)!
• I sat on the side with Luli and bitched about being fondled.
• We all sat and listened to Kait tell the details of how they caught the bastard that attacked her.
• I sat and took pictures of Kenny as he was "bringing sexy back".
• I felt absolutely comfortable to jump in the middle of so many conversations...

Maybe that is what was great about today.. I felt comfortable.

Today I cried...

Today I cried....
Not the kind of tears I hate to shed, but the kind that remind me that life is beautiful. That testify that that loving and missing someone so much it hurts is actually a good thing.
Today I cried.. as I hung up with my sister.
My sister is a mother of two. She is an amazing mother. She is the kind of mother that has learned from all the fucked up things we have seen on our lives and she will be damned if any of that happens to her children. She is the kind of mother who is tired and overworked and running around all day.. but still loves the fact that she is a mother. Grateful that she has two children who wear her out and tire her.
She is also a great sister. She teaches me a lot about myself and life. She has a way of thinking that makes me value everything. Sometimes when I do not understand.. she still helps me value.
We spoke for about an hour today.. about so much, and about nothing at the same time. During this hour she ran from one child to the other satisfying their needs, hugging away their fears, teaching them things, enjoying them, and letting them know that they are awesome.
Her husband is in Iraq now. She is alone and she is doing it on her own. The fact that she is gone stops her from many things; it stops her from taking care of herself, stops her from getting a night's rest without fear for her husband, stops her from knowing she is doing a great job, stops her from watching the Colbert Report... but it does not stop her from raising two healthy and happy children.
Tina, I love you with all my heart. I am grateful that you are my sister, I have always been quite jealous at how amazing you are.. I have always wanted to be you... but now I am happy that are such a big part of my life.
Go, have fun, enjoy your children, enjoy motherhood, enjoy your messy home and trust me.. a messy home means you are a great mother... if youhave 2 kids and a clean home I can tell you that your priorities are in the wrong place.
Let them learn, laugh and explore.. and let them mess up their rooms as they do.....

I love you!
(Pound It!!)

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my mom's birthday.
I miss my mom.
Happy Birthday Mom!
I hope you had an amazing year, and I hope the coming year will be even more than you can ever dream of or hope for!

I love you with all my heart!

Hamburgers, french fries, chocolate and kick ass friends!

I have had a crazy week. So many things happened and I have done so much...
I do not mean crazy as in bad. Sometimes crazy can be good. It was a nice week. Even the parts that I thought were crap turned out to be really good..
Today was a kick ass day. I woke up and started off my day exactly like every other day.. suddenly, out of nowhere it hit me. I needed a hamburger and french fries! It was taking over my mind.. I seriously could not think about anything else. It was weird because I actually do nt like hamburgers and I have never craved one like I did today... Luckily I have a guy friend who appreciates hamburgers ;o) When i texted him about my "problem" he instantly came to my rescue... Ok. Too dramatic. Met him for lunch and had the hamburger. It was probably the best hamburger I have ever had. Hamburgers are good.. I cannot figure out why I hate hamburgers. My craving was satisfied...
Life was good..
Next, I met Shahira and Purvi. We hung out at a book store in Zamalek and then decided to satisfy my other craving, chocolate...
We went to one of my favorite places in the world..
The Marriott.
I think this is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. We walked around the hotel and I was giving the tour of the palace. After the tour we went to the bakery and had chocolate cake.. Life was better than before... ;o)
Some of the staff at the Marriott remembered me from when I worked there so I got a free hot chocolate also!! ;o)
So.. today was one of those great days spent with friends, hamburgers, fries, and a lot of chocolate!!!
I wish all days could be this good!!!
Oh yeah, I was also caught speeding (driving 140 in a 90 kmh zone) and I talked my way out of the ticket!!!
I think I am happy enough now to actually start doing the work I should be doing...

Bad decision...

Out of all the letters in the alphabet they had to choose this one!!!

There are things I will never understand...

I know that I will never understand why this building looks like this... I stopped trying to comprehend. ;o)

This is a real building near my house....