Bearer of bad news...

Have you ever had to break some bad news to people you love?

Have you ever had to tell someone something that shattered their world?

Have you ever had to tell someone you love something that makes them cry like you have never seen them cry before?

Have you ever had to be the person who has to explain to them the evils of the world and the people around them?

I have. It was hard.

I feel horrible.

Christmas... ruined

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the city
Many creatures were stirring ...


AND MASTERBATING!!!!


Yeah.. that was what my Christmas Eve experience was like!

Have dinner with work people at Friday's in the Merryland Park. We're outside in the parking lot waiting for people's drivers to pick them up. We're just standing there and talking and pondering life events and the such. A man is standing directly in front of me. He is staring. He is annoying me.
I am happy when he leaves, he was making me uncomfortable.
A second later he reappears next to a tree.

He continues staring. And then he starts touching himself. He starts obscene gestures.... And in less than a second he has his penis out and is masterbating!

Fuck you for ruining my Christmas!!!

Not so famous quote

Bitterness is good for you.
It makes you sarcastic and witty!



Said to me by a friend last night...

Another breakup?!?!?!

I know this guy....



We are friends....



I think we just broke up!!!


Uhm, we never started dating!!!!



Hahahahhaha, I hate fucking possessive men!!!


I hate fucking possessive psycho men!!!!!!

2007 - A year in review

A year in review....


This is my 200th post. I guess I have had a lot to say throughout the years...
More than half of those posts were written last year.


Last year was one of the years that you feel yourself change in. A year that teaches you more about yourself and what you are capable of than you ever thought you would learn.

For me, last year was a year that sent me through all the emotions, feelings, states of mind that are possible....


So, exactly one year ago I was living alone. I was having the time of my life. I was very active socially. I was out and about all the time. It was one of the first times that I spread my independent wings... and I loved it.
I made a decision that I would not get into a relationship. I was happy where I was and I wanted to get to know myself more. I wanted to know what I want out of a relationship before I committed myself to a person. Well, about a year ago I started talking to "him". He was everything that I thought I wanted in a guy. He seemed to be perfect in more ways than I could ever describe. I did not want to be in a relationship, but there was a large part of me that did want to be in a relationship with him...
So, we got to know each other for a few months and then we declared ourselves in a relationship with each other. He was the perfect guy and I was most likely delusional about things. He made me so happy. I loved him. He also made me feel like shit. We broke up recently. It was hard.. but I now feel myself as being closer to where I was before I met him. I love where I am now.
So, this year I felt love, heartbreak, desertion, independence.


In another sense, this year was one of the years that I saw and experienced the most troubling of problems. My heart was ripped out, crushed, and spit upon. It was hard. There were times when I thought that I would not be able to make it through the problems. There were times when I wanted to give up and cry. But, I made it.
I learned from the problems I was forced to face. I learned more about myself than I thought I would ever learn. I surprised myself very much. I stood up to the problems. I was stronger this year than I ever was before. I was more in control of things than I was before. I was able to deal with what was thrown at me. It was some scary serious shit... and I came out better than just "alive".


I went to weddings and laughed... and I went to funerals and cried.


I sat with myfamily and felt feelings of love and even more of hatred. I felt like I wanted to hug those around me.. and at times I felt that I could kill them.


I saw the good sides of myself... and I also saw the sides I hate and try to hide.


All in all, I can say that 2007 was one of the worst years of my life... but at the end of it all I can say that I am a stronger person than I was when I started.


My best experience of the year:
The best experience this year was the "first night on the island". It meant many things to me, and all those things were great.


My most physically painful experience of the year: the few days before my back surgery. The days when every breath that I took hurt me more than any pain I felt before.


My happiest moment of the year:
This summer with my niece, nephew, mom, and brother.
My birthday.
The "first night on the island"!


My saddest moment of the year:
It was this summer. I was with a person who has been hurt very much. This person broke down and spoke about the pain, the guilt, and how they blame themselves. It hurt me so much.


My favorite song of the year:
Beautiful Girls - Sean Kingston
Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's
Light My Candle - RENT Soundtrack


My favorite movie of the year:
Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix
Anything musical

My favorite book of the year:
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

My "firsts" that happened in 2007:
I had my first surgery. It was my first time to be under complete anesthia, It was my first over night stay in a hospital.
I saw my nephew for the first time.
I was not passive about things with people that I care about.

I still have a week to analyze and review this year.
I still have a week to come up with some resolutions.

So, how was your year? What do you want for next year?

The Great Cairo Christmas Spirit...

It looks like it will be camel and not reindeer!
I will be experiencing the great Cairo Christmas spirit!

I am excited..

I think it will be fun!

Christmas '07 - Cairo or US??

I am booking my ticket..

My bag is almost packed.....

I might get to experience the white Christmas that I have missed...

I will feel the holiday spirit...

I am not sure if I am excited or not...

Not capable...

More shit....
Same fan...

This time things are different....

I feel nothing.

No pain, no anger, and definitely no pity...

I am not capable of feeling anything anymore....

Definitions of Beauty...

Today was a very busy day at work. I had so much to do.
From the moment I walked in at 8 to the moment I walked out at 4 I was always doing something.

I taught 6 classes.
I wrote letters to parents.
I played with my students.

I wrote exams. I lost the exams. I found the exams.
I corrected 150 books! Yes, one hundred fifty!!!!

The hours flew by... I guess time does that when you have a lot to do.

Anyway, as I was corrected the notebooks.. I saw a certain sentence that made me smile.

The girl was asked to write 3 sentences with words that end in "e" and have a long vowel sound before that.

For the word hate she wrote "I hate to be fat."!

Remember that this girl is 6 years old.

I personally think that is too young to be worried about weight.

The girl also resembles a tooth pick.. so she really has nothing to worry about.

I never knew that kids that young faced the same issues that we as adults face.

It is amazing how people are affected by definitions of beauty.

It is amazing how a child that young is affected.. actually, I am not sure if it is amazing or disgusting.

Anyway, the sentence still made me smile... because I can picture her in 10 years as a high school diva/cheerleader!

Well, that or a troubled child with an eating disorder!

Happy...

Yesterday I went to a harp concert at the Sawy Center. I went with the idea that I will not really enjoy myself. I did not think that the concert would be very good and I was never really into the harp anyway.
I went, and I enjoyed myself more than I can explain.
I do not know if it is because the music was great. I do not know if it is because I like these kind of sophisticated things. I do not know if it was because of the people I was with. I only know that I had a great time.
Sitting there and listening to the music made me feel that the world is a nice place. Sitting there made me realize that regardless of all that is going on in my life I am happy.
I used to play the cello when I was young. I used to play the flute when I was young too. I quit both. I was not great at either... but I wish I had not quit. I wish that I continued playing both, or either, or anything really.
I do not like the fact that I quit.
I wish I could play an instrument.
The band and the harpist were both great.
I have decided that I will attend more concerts at Sawy. I have almost decided that I will start playing an instrument.
I have decided that last night made me happy and I like that.
I hope you are all happy too!
Remember to smile as much as you can today!

Confiscated !!!

Well, since leaving the ghetto place I used to work at last year I have not had much to say about work. The funny stories were all gone!

Well, that was until yesterday...

Yesterday I spent my day watching a National Theatre performance of Cinderella. It was pretty cool. What I could understand of it seemed funny...

So, I get to work in the morning and I have to load my 54 students onto buses. I choose a bus to ride on. Five minutes into the ride and I hear a student shout out with delight "Miss Nora, Mohamed has CIGAYEEER!!!!!!!!!"
Mohamed repeatedly denies the evil accusations! The other boy tries to take Mohamed's lunch box and Mohamed grips it like the Jaws of Life!

I ask Mohamed if I can see his nice Power Rangers lunch box.
I open it and I find some innocent roomie cheese sandwiches.... All is well until I discover the side pocket. I open the pocket and can't believe my eyes....

I find a pack of cigarettes and 2 lighters!

He keeps telling me something about his mom and his cousin... but his sentences were jumbled by the fear he felt in his heart.

I tell him I believe him but I am going to have to confiscate them....
I do believe him that they are not his...
Mohamed is 6 years old!
I am just wondering why his mom is using his lunch box!

So, I get back and tell the head teacher and of course we think it is hilarious...


Anyway, all is well in the first grade world.... until today!

Today as I am enjoying watching my kids rehearse in their music class one of my assistants comes to me to tell me that she needs to talk to me.
I go to the hallway to talk to her and she tells me that there is a problem and she needs to tell me.
One of my students decided to bring a magazine with her to school to show her friends. A lot of students do this. They bring Mickey comics, they bring stories, they bring cute things...

This girl brought a picture of a naked man!

The magazine is one of the ones I would buy at an airport. Full of gossip, fashion, makeup...
This one also had pictures of naked men, men kissing each other, sexual positions to try with illustrations, vibrator ads, two lovers being caught in the act!

It was full of stuff that no six year old should see.....

Well, I had to confiscate that too...
Went to the head teacher to tell him and now he is left wondering what really goes on in first grade...

I am wondering too!

Signs...

I believe that there are signs in life.

Signs that let you know what you're doing is right.

Times when things run so smoothly that you have no doubt that you've made the right choice.

Times when the difficult path you've chosen feels like it has been paved with gold.

Times when you feel unsure about decisions that you've made.. but for some reason everything works out much better than planned.

Times when you know that the scary steps you will take will not be so scary.

I just think that we need to believe that God makes the right things happen.

When things just fall into place... you have to believe that God is helping it work out because this is the best thing for you.

I believe in signs....

No...

No...
I am not happy about this new house you want to buy.
No...
I do not believe you want to buy it to make me happy.
No...
You cannot seduce me with garden, pools, or anything else.
No...
You cannot try to seduce me with millions of dollars.
When I needed you, you did not give a shit.

No...
It will not happen. You were not there when I needed you.
You will not make it all better anymore.
Your money will never make it all better.

No...
I will not care because you've decided to act like you do.
No...
I do not care about you anymore.
It's too late now.
I gave you too many chances. I gave you a lot more than you deserve.
No... It is all over to me.
With every "no" that I utter I feel more strength than you have ever given me.
With every "no" that I utter I feel more happiness than you have ever shown me.

You are "all over" to me...

Thinking about him...

Who do you think about when you read an article about relationships?
Since the day him and I started dating I would think about him.... Maybe even before that day.
He would always come to mind whenever I would read about things I should or should not do.

Well, that was until today.....

I was reading an article about relationships today... and after I finished reading I realized that he did not cross my mind at all while I was reading the article.

I wonder if this means that I am on the right track to getting over it?

Whatever it is, it felt good...