The Many Fronts of My Life...
So, I decide I want to write.. but I have nothing to write about. I do not know if I only have a desire to write something profound, something that will earn me the comments of you, the reader. I still have not written anything that someone could comment on. Well, unless you want to comment on my insane ability to talk about nothing to a long time. Or my insane ability to not shut up when I know I really should.
On the hormonal front…
I just got over an evil bout of PMS. Some men would not agree that I am over it.. but who cares what they think? Maybe that means that I really am not over it. I am ok with being a bitch! I am in pain. I am bloated. I feel ugly. I have more acne than a teenager at prom. I have cried over commercials and billboards, I have the attention span of the MTV target audience, I consume massive quantities of all things greasy and fattening, I have conversations with my new best friend Mr. Chocolate, My body hurts. I back aches. I can go on and on. I think I am ok with being a bitch.
Well, enough about my hormones…
On the New Year front…
Umm, I do not remember much.. but they say pictures are worth a thousand words.. and that means I have about 240 thousands words to say about that party… A great start to what I hope will be a great year. Bring it on BEYATCH!
On the work front…
I have entered the crisis management task force at work. Yeah, we like to call it the CMTF. We think it gives it importance and mystery when abbreviated. My position: Director of the First Grade Crisis Aversion Unit. It is a tough job. I put my life on the line day in and day out. The last crisis handled was a tough one… 5 students ran to me crying tears as if they had just lost a limb. I worry. I ask for information on the crisis.
One girl tells me: MISS NORA! GANNA IS MAKING BARBIE SLEEP NOW AND BARBIE DOES NOT SLEEP. I was lucky to get the information out of her before she went into the hysterics that immediately followed. Yeah, my job is one of timing and precision. So, I have 5 hysterical young ladies. Without a beat, I look at the watch I am not wearing and let them know that they are right and that Barbie should not be sleeping now, because she will need to sleep in 10 minutes. Miraculously the hysterics stop and the young ladies charge off to inform Ganna of the proper Barbie bedtimes. The FGCAU of the CMTF has handled another one!
On the home front…
I am happy to announce that the tri-lingual maid from hell has left. She was a great cook but she was annoying as hell. I am not sure if it is the shrill voice. I am not sure if it her inability to be quiet. I am not sure if it is her need to impose herself and her opinions on everything that happens. I am not sure if it is her annoying nicknames that she has given me.. “baby”. I am not sure if it was the fact that she speaks English, Arabic, and Spanish therefore leaving us no room to talk about her with her in the room. I just know that there were so many reasons for me to want to kill her or myself everytime we were lucky enough to be in the same room. She quit because she was not able to run the household as she deemed appropriate. She used to send the driver home when she thought he should go home.. not asking us for our opinions on the matter. She used to ban my brothers from making the food they wanted.. because she knows best. She used to cut off electricity to certain parts of the house because she wanted to reduce our electric consumption. She used to remove the shampoo and conditioners from the bathrooms because she thought they should not be stored in the showers. (Never was fun realizing that when you’re soaking wet in the shower!) She used to hide the toilet paper in obscure places because she decided that each bathroom should have a weekly limit on the amount of toilet paper used. Damn, she was annoying!! I am glad she is gone!!!
On the family front…
Dad is back. He is passive and broken. Sister is coming in T -4 days. I am extremely fucking excited! The munchkins are coming!!! YAY!!!!!!!!
Well.. I guess that is it for us now!
14 Comments:
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHHAHA
awesome.
i am surprized the maid actually left... the way you talk about her seems like she would have rather kicked you people out!!
limited toilet paper per bathroom.. seriously???
this was hilarious... what's up with weirdo maids?? lol remember that story I told you about?
i miss u ya Nora
The M and Ms,
Yeah, I know. I am really happy..! No more hell on Earth for me.
insomniac,
Shhh! Don't give her any ideas! Unfortunately yeah, she really did limit toilet paper. She had a strong presence. She was really driving me crazy... she was driving the whole family crazy!
Samurai girl,
Yeah, I am wondering if they are one in the same. I am checking all carpets and things on a daily basis!
I miss you too babe! Wanna do sushi?
No fair, I would love to have your maid around. After all, the civilization in my bathroom has probably reached the Iron Age by now ….and God I don't remember the last time I had toilet paper in there.... I really use some discipline at my place for sure. Would she be interested to relocate to the Frozen Wastelands? Think of the selling line: ...and this way, you can learn a new language *Nod knowingly.
She'd totally say yes I tell ya.
I respect you too much than to do that to you!!
;o)
Dude how many fronts have you got girl?
Your hormonal front needs a major cutback of chocolate and dark soda.
Yeah i know... life sucks :P
CMTF? Is your office located next to the guys at WTF?
Always been a fan of initials.
(You should have told the girls.. News flash!! BARBIE'S DEAD. At least they'll appreciate life a bit more... less appreciation for you of course.. :P)
Dude.. what kind of maid is this? lol She sounds fun to mess around with. You should have totally hidden her stuff from her room.
Besides.. trilingual maid? Come on.. just get Saneyya bent el bawwab to fix the apartment once a week.
'tis no fun when you can't talk about people behind their backs.
Wish you the best new year eva.
cheers. ;)
RR,
Well, I do have many fronts.. I guess it makes me complex and interesting... although I guess you could call it bipolar.. or tripolar as I have already claimed myself to be!
Anyway, the trilingual maid is gone, and yeah it was no fun not being able to talk about her behind her back. No worries though, we got a new one.. and she seems normal. Might not have to talk about her behind her back!
I could never tell the kids Barbie is dead! It took me ages to convince them that Santa Clause is alive and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny too... I will let some heartless person explain it to them.. but for now the dream is still alive!
Hope you have a great year too babe!!!
Oh yeah,
Don't ever imply that a girl needs less chocolate. It is not good for your health!!!
So basically you're using Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and chocolate to win them over?
You should have majored in politics girl. :P
OMG!! She finally quit! Congrats man!! I bet it's such a relief!
Years ago, we had this housekeeper who would scrub the bathroom walls after anybody showered to keep them clean. I hope the entire race of Maids From Hell would go extinct or something.
When will I see you ba2a? We should seriously hang out..
Raven,
I will use ANYTHING to win kids over...
embee,
Yeah, she finally left. My sis is here so I am a bit busy with her... She leaves in about a week and then I am free. See you soon babe!
i have so many questions about this post...we need to do a serious catching up soon!
Nay Nay,
Sounds excellent! What are you doing between the 27th of Jan to the 7th of Feb?
I think I might be in the Home of the Brave and the Land of the Free!
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