About him...

Have you ever liked a person?
I mean seriously liked a person. Like put them on your list of the coolest people you have met. Maybe somewhere at the top of the list....
I did....
This person.. (who shall remain nameless.)... is a really cool person. I always had tremendous fun when I was hanging out with him. I enjoyed being with him a lot.. maybe more than I should have.
Anyway.. today I spent a lazy day at home and thought about it. About him.. about why I like him.
I could think of a lot of things I thought were cool about him. A lot of qualities that are so rare in Egyptian guys.... a lot...
But I also thought of a list of not so great qualities....
And I also realized that things are going at his pace, things are happening his way. We are talking when he feels cool, and not talking when he is in a bad mood or busy or sad or with friends or not in the mood or whatever else. We're trying to keep him happy... (OK I am trying to make/keep him happy). We're trying our hardest to make him feel better about life. Trying to be something positive in his life....
(Let me make it clear that I am the one who chose to do this...he did not force me;o) )
That is cool... I think he should always do what he needs. We all should do what we need... Maybe that is the hard part about relationships. You need to find the one person who you can do what you need with.. and you realize that this is what they need also.
Anyway I realized I was not doing what I need. Things were not happening the way I need them to...
The worst part about it is that I was not comfortable. Kinda walking on eggshells to not piss him off. Unsure of what I can/can't/ should/ or shouldn't do... Afraid that I would do something wrong.. because I really wanted to make him happy.
Tried to make him feel like there really are good people out there... To let him know that he is a kick ass guy that people would try to make happy...
I guess I failed at it all.
But those were my intentions....

I am not mad at him. He did not do anything wrong. We just don't need the same thing...

I think I need someone who wants to do those kinds of things for me... who tries to make the world a better place for me. Who tries to realize what kind of day I am having and try to make it better. Who just generally tries to make me happy.... I want a guy who is willing to do a little bit more for me. A guy who knows how to make me feel like he gives a damn.
A person who is happy making me happy... just like I am happy to make this guy..(this nameless guy)..happy.
I don't want forever, I don't want promises of eternal love,
I do want to feel special... to feel perfect.. to feel important to someone..... to be happy.

I am not sure if he will read this or not.. I do not know if I want him to or not.
But it is out here... and I guess somewhere inside of me I hope that he calls me telling me that he does want to make me happy.
Sadly I doubt that will happen...
So,
I guess this is the end... of the post..... about him.