Weakness and tears....

I have been trying to be strong. I have been tring to handle everything on my own. I have been watching my life crumble and I have tried to not be bothered. I was trying to be strong.
Yesterday was hard. I was in a bad place. I bad place emotionally. It all hit me hard once again. It bothered me more than I could handle.
I was strong. I was stronger than I have ever been.
I was so full of rage and hatred... but I was strong.
After that I ran, I ran away from everything that was hurting me.
I got it as far away from my thoughts as I could.
I tried to avoid it all.. but I couldn't. Maybe I could have.. but I think I really did not want to.
I went out with a friend. I went out with the intention of just forgetting it all... but I did not.
I went out with her and I talked about what I could talk about.
I admitted my fears and my weaknesses.
I admitted that I am freaking out.
I admitted that at most times I cannot breath because of all the shit I am going through.
I spoke about all the selfish people around me.
I spoke about my fears.
I cried... and I cried... and I cried.
And I felt better.
Things did not get solved.. things did not get better.
I am still not looking at the world through the rose colored glasses that I used to possess... I shattered them into a million little pieces a long time ago.
But, I am not holding it all on.
The thoughts are not hanging on every breath that I take.
I felt a relief and it felt good....

This world is a scary place... but once in a while you realize that there are some great people out there and that they make this world a little nicer to be in.

To my friend from yesterday: Thank you and I love you... You will never know how much you helped me yesterday...

To myself: You are strong.. but you are not superwoman. Show your weaknesses. Cry when you need to.