A shattered heart...
Well, that is it..
I am seriously watching everything in my life worth anything dwindle away.
My life fucking sucks.....
On top of everything that was ruining my life before now this...
Now, it's over.
Now my heart is broken along with my rose colored glasses.
The perfect guy is no longer mine. Maybe I drove him crazy, maybe I didn't. Maybe he is better off. Maybe I am better off...
I do not care...
This hurts.
I cannot breath.
I am hyperventilating.
I want to hug him. I want him to hold me and wipe away the tears.
I do not want him to be the reason that I hurt so much now.
I want to kiss him. I want to feel his lips and his skin. I want to look in his eyes and see how much he loves me. I want to look in his eyes and know he wants me.
I want to tell him that I hate him. I want to scream and shout and say all the mean things that are on my mind. I want to look in his eyes and see as much pain as I see in mine. I want to tell him that he is selfish and that he is a bastard.
I want to tell him that I love him and I want to tell him that I hate him too.
I don't want him to be the reason that I want to run away from it all.. or just give up on it all.
I know myself well, I know that I cannot handle this.
I am not ok...
posted by Nora @ 5:52 PM
26 Comments:
I am sorry for your pain, I love you and want to hug you, How I wish you would come home to us, My heart breaks when you are so hurt.
I love you!!!! hugs & kisses
Mom
P.S. if you want to come just say the word!
pardon my bluntness, but I'm sick of hearing your misery and I'm sure you are too...
Make a list of the things you're grateful for and post it here.
'tis the season
Thanks mom.
I do not think I want to come home.
I don't want to be here or there actually...
If I want to come, I'll let you know... but it will not be until I finish my contract at work anyway.
I love you too...
anonymous:
I'll pardon your bluntness.. and actually, I do not mind it at all. Honesty is cool...
Anyway, this is my blog.. and I mainly use it to talk about the shit that I hide all day, every day.
So, this is where I talk about the shit bothering me.
I am tired of the misery too.. but this is my blog and this is where I vent. The best thing you can do is just stop reading... or pray that my misery ends!
How? When?
Nevermind that... I am sorry to hear this babe. I hope you pull through soon.
uale puella, iam Catullus obdurat,
nec te requiret nec rogabit inuitam.
at tu dolebis, cum rogaberis nulla.
scelesta, uae te, quae tibi manet uita?
quis nunc te adibit? cui uideberis bella?
quem nunc amabis? cuius esse diceris?
quem basiabis? cui labella mordebis?
at tu, Catulle, destinatus obdura.
Take care Nora.
I offer you the poem that I always refer to when I'm in a terrible situation by Emily Dickinson.
"
After great pain, a formal feeling comes —
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs —
The stiff Heart questions was it He, that bore,
And Yesterday, or Centuries before?
The Feet, mechanical, go round —
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought
A Wooden way
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone —
This is the Hour of Lead —
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow —
First — Chill — then Stupor — then the letting go —"
(After great pain - Emily Dickinson)
i read alot of you previous post before to know that your not one of those ppl who r miserable by nature and would always find a reason to whine...
as a matter of fact, i think you're a nice person who can see the good in ppl...
and i really wish you well...
so i don't agree with anon, it is ur blog and if you don't vent here, where else would u vent....however, do sit down, take a deep breath and think of the good things you have in life: could be ur ma, any oher family member, the kids you teach, the good friends you have, the things that make you smile and isA u'll feel better :)
rabena ma3aki
commit suicide
TO Anonymous!!!......HOW DARE YOU! You are scum sucking venom, go back in the hole you crawled out of!!
TO NORA!
Steer clear of this creep, certainly not a friend worth having.
I hope your pain eases, there are alot of people, friends who love and care for you.
I wrote the first anon comment. NOT this previous one which is not cool.
anyway, yeah, venting is good...but its also good to focus on the positives too. You're obviously getting help from your friends comments which is great...
I just think if you start putting effort and energy into gratitude for the good things you do have in your life, the bad things won't quite seem as bad...try it out
anonymous means coward
kathy, go back to your country too like nora should
coward, she was born that way
Juka,
Thanks babe.
Jesse,
Thanks.. that poem is nice...
Dody,
Thanks babe. The poem is great.
Insomniac,
Thanks for your message. I do not think that I am one of those people who try to whine for anything all the time. I know that I hate my own recent whining... I do try to see the good in people.. and no matter what I try to deal with the situation at hand.
I will sit down now and remember the good things in life...
Thanks for your post!
anonymous,
I seriously feel bad for you. I wonder how bad you must feel to have to come here to my blog and post these messages. Obviously I am tired and weak and do not need this.. but you need to post those messages. Whatever is going on in your head must be far worse than the horrors I see..
I pity you and I hope it all gets better for you...
Best of luck...
Mom,
Do not worry about it. I doubt that Anon and I are friends...
Nora,
A shattered heart is a heart still beating.
Dont loose hope babe. He just wasnt meant to be.
It was written for both of you to be together for this duration of time.. Now that it's over, pick up the pieces, learn your lessons, feel sad, seek support & walk away.
As for Anonymous assholes - yes it is kinda sad that people waste their own time on reading blogs for people they feel no compassion for. It's strange - I cant understand their psychology. Tab Why? If you care not for this blog - why bother reading it & coming back to post hostile comments? Why are you here aslan? What satisfaction did you get by doing so? Why not take it out on real people around you? Direct your hate & anger to someone that matters to you - not some random chic on the net?
Anyways, your reply is brilliant - you are a small girl - you'll be just fine.
Kathy,
Dont worry about her - she has a great group of friends - & online acquaintances (such as my humble self) that will help her move on.. as the new post portrays.
All my love, hugs & kisses
J
Jade,
Thank you for your comment.
You are right.. it is shattered but it is still beating.
I guess it was the final straw. The straw that made me realize that I can and must do something to change it.
I did exactly as you said.. I picked up the pieces.. I felt sad, I am seeking support, I am turning to my friends who in turn help me turn to myself... and I am learning from it all.
And I have a plan on how to make things better....
I am not sure if I will succeed or fail. I am not sure if it will make me happy... but I know that I am happier just having the plan...
I am scared and worried.. but I am much happier and at peace with it all than before...
I also do not understand the psychology of the anon people who must attack.. but I really do think that they have issues bigger than mine..
So, as I pray that my troubles will pass.. I pray that theirs do too...
Put two bad seeds together, let them grow, and see what happens...
wow
seriously,
anonymous is a pussy. i mean, jesus, i say shit to people all the time and have the balls to say who i am.
but i guess that is what they turn into when they sit at home jacking off to pictures of their parents all goddamn day.
anonymous, pick on someone your own tiny limp-dicked, firecrotched size you fucking whorebag.
to the first anonymous,
the 'pardon my bluntness' comment is rude and isn't pardonable.
she shouldn' have to apologize for her feelings. you're sick of her misery then get the hell off her blog. don'tvate put your own issues on her in her own private space.
Mona,
I love you!
:o)
Hi Nora...
Though we havn't met and I didn't see you...but I would like to say something...
**You r a sweet heart…always ever smiling…your smile is so rejuvenating…it always keeps everyone so charged up**
*Don't ever be afraid to come to me ~n~ cry* *Don't ever hesitate to look me ~n~ the eye* *Don't ever be afraid to tell me how you feel* *Remember your my friend ~n~ we gotta keep it real*
Yogesh,
Thanks for the comment.
:o)
you are always welcome Nora...
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