New Years Resolutions

I have been trying to think of what I would like the coming year to be for me...
I never had trouble picking my New Years Resolutions... I guess I just kept the same resolutions every year. This year I am facing a problem. I am not sure if that is bad or good... but I do not know what I want in 2007.
My New Years Resolutions used to be:
1. Be Happy
2. Become Independent (mainly financially)
3. Forget about everything I regret. (Accept these things and move on.)
4. Become more decisive (Know what I want and go for it most of the time. I wanted to be less of the passive wallflower type..)
5. Stop trying to be something/someone else to impress people (Stop being afraid to be myself)

These were the main things that were bothering me for years. I never made any progress in these areas. I am not sure if I was not ready to make the progress, or if I was not trying hard enough or what... Sometime in 2006 this changed. I became a lot more comfortable being me and with myself. I stopped hating myself or thinking myself unworthy.... It is a hard way to live, and I am glad I am over that. I started to like being me and to feel very comfortable in my skin. I accepted myself and I could stop pretending to be something else. I could stop altering my personality to accomodate the people around me. I guess now I donot care about accomodating the people around me.. I care about choosing the right people to be around me.
With this new found acceptance of myself I realized that I stopped regretting things I have done in life. At times I think I seriously hated myself. I was so harsh on myself because of things I chose to do 10 or 15 years ago. I guess I was my own worst critic. I tried to uphold myself to some level of perfection that was impossible. I accept that I made mistakes. I know that at the time I do anything I do not think it is wrong. I made the best decisions I could with the knowledge I had. I also realized that for a naive little girl thrown into a weird world to figure everything out alone at 16.. I did really well. I am actually proud of the fact that I am not a fuck up. Life is hard now.. and when I was 16 it was harder because I knew so much less, had seen so much less, had experienced so much less and needed so much more from people... but I managed. I did it almost all alone. And even when I think of mistakes that I have made.. I know I still did do a great job.
With this new way of thinking I let go of all my regrets in life. Regrets weigh you down and fuck you up. I am glad I got rid of them. Life is a learning process... and everybody is bound to make a mistake sometime. I just could not understand that making mistakes is actually ok. I think the way I was thinking was part the influence of Egyptian society. I love it here.... but people are so quick to judge and are so harsh in their judgements.... I guess I learned to judge myself quickly and harshly.
The next resolution was to be more decisive. I resented the fact that most of the time I did not care about what I would do. I was ok and accustomed to having little or no control on my life. making my own decisions became so hard for me. I felt very powerless. I think this made me seriously unhappy. Now I think about what I want more. Sometimes it does not matter to me. But now it is because it seriously does not make a difference to me. Not because I am afraid of choosing or saying what I want. I have become very outspoken about what I want. I am not afraid to want things and go after them anymore. This change has made me very happy. I like knowing (and getting) what I want. I like feeling that I am not being pushed into what is easier for the people around me. Everybody needs to do what will make them happy.. I learned that lesson a little late in life... but I learned it and I am living it. And I did it on my own.
The next big change in my life was to become independent... especially financially. I was scared of this. I do not know why I was so afraid of doing it on my own. I know I was scared of failing.... but the fear inside me about this was irrational. I cannot even explain it now. Now I am financially independent, ,and with financial independence comes a lot of other independence.. at least in my family they come together. I was so scared. I felt like I would fail. I did not think that I could do it... but I did and I am. I am not perfect at it yet.. but in life we learn... and I know I will get it! ;o)
So.. inevitably with all these changes came happiness. I am seriously happy now. I take things in stride. I am a person that I like and accept. I value myself now. I am totally and completely happy now. I would not want to change the road that I have taken to get to this point in my life. I know that by taking this road I have learned so much...
SO... with all this I am having trouble deciding what I want for my New Years resolutions... I might have to postpone them for a while...
but regardless...
I hope that in 2007 you are everything you would like to be. I hope that you are all as happy as you can be. My wishes for you are strength, safety, happiness, achievement, and love.
Happy New Year!